Fear has big eyes: who is hiding in the closet or dark corner of the room

Young ladies and gentlemen: being afraid is allowed!

Have you noticed that the attitude of adults to children's fears differs depending on the gender of the child. Girls are allowed to be afraid, to scream, they are calmed and cherished. From boys, we expect fearlessness, bravery, the behavior of a real knight. We consider any manifestation of tenderness towards them to be excessive, and we reproach them for innocent fear. Women's horror of spiders and mice evokes affection and understanding. And a frightened boy is immediately teased as a wimp, a crybaby or a mama's boy. Is this fair? Of course not!

Any child, regardless of gender, needs a solid, unbreakable protective "wall" in the form of support and approval from parents. Yes, women's fears are more diverse, they form a single whole, they are interconnected with each other - this is confirmed by studies by Russian psychologists. But boys are also prone to anxiety, to be subject to phobias. Any person has the right to experience and express fear.

It is absolutely forbidden to forbid fear! Suppressed fear entails a string of serious psychological consequences. The child's faith in his own strength is undermined, he automatically sets himself up for defeat. The task of parents is to teach the little family member to express his emotions, not to be embarrassed by them.

The source of fears: where do monsters come from

There is nothing wrong with having fears. They are dictated by the instinct of self-preservation. We are afraid of fire, because we know that we can get burned; we are afraid of the depth in open water, because we risk drowning; we do not cross the road in the wrong place because of the fear of getting hit by a car. Agree, having such thoughts, you will not play with fire, will not swim too far, will not endanger your life on the highway.

It has been noted that the eldest child in the family or the only one who has no brothers or sisters is subject to more phobias. This is explained simply. From birth, the firstborn is surrounded by excessive care, overprotection, great hopes are placed on him. Parents and other relatives transfer their adult fears for the life and health of the heir to the still fragile child's psyche. He is the center of the universe for his relatives. And, as a result, he adopts their anxiety, worry, becomes suspicious and fearful, is afraid to disappoint loved ones. Parents treat the next children more calmly, more confidently, therefore the younger ones in the family are often given more freedom.

The reality of children's fears

Unlike adults, children do not think globally, they are only concerned with what is happening here and now. Children have a developed imagination, fairy-tale characters take on intricate forms, a dark room is full of the unknown, and mythical voices are heard in the rustling of leaves. These fears do not pose a physical danger to children, such as a faulty outlet, a mug of hot tea on the edge of the table, etc. The latter become the culprits of childhood injuries, pose a real threat to the health and life of the child.

The main task of parents is to explain to the little one what exactly to be afraid of, teach him to recognize danger.

How to deal with fears: 5 canons for adults

1. Consider the opinion of the baby. If a person comes to visit whom the child has not seen for a long time, do not insist on close communication against the will of the baby. Do not tear little hands away from you, do not force to say hello. Children have a vivid imagination, and even a friendly guest can seem like a dangerous character to them. You can’t try to break the fear, force the child to show courage.
2. Be there. If the child is afraid of a monster under the bed, turn on the light in the room, look in there together, and gently explain that nothing threatens him within the walls of the house. Leave a night light on in the nursery. If the little one comes running at night in tears, allow him to lie down next to you, and don’t send him back to the room.
3. Refrain from intimidation. Some parents raise their offspring with common “scares” - they pretend to call a policeman, ask strangers to take away a stubborn fidget, demonstratively leave him alone at home when the baby doesn’t want to get dressed to go outside. Don't allow yourself such experiments, don't intimidate the baby.
4. Eliminate aggression in the family. Don't talk in raised tones at home, don't sort things out with your spouse or other family members in front of the child, don't allow physical violence. The baby looks at the world around him through the prism of imagination. Don't destroy the little world with adult problems.
5. Sort out cartoons, games. Pay attention to what the baby is interested in. Don't let him watch everything that's shown on TV. Some modern cartoons, even those that are harmless at first glance, are aggressive and instill distorted moral values. Keep in mind that even if you are sure that your little one is not paying attention to the action movie or thriller that is on, playing on the carpet near the TV, one accidentally seen scary frame is enough to instill horror in the child's mind.

Take your baby in your arms more often, talk to him affectionately, stroke his back, hug him. It is tactile contact that can relax, calm the baby, show that he is safe. In a difficult situation for the child, encourage him with phrases: "I am always with you", "You can rely on me", "I will not let anyone hurt you". Do not try to impose independence on the little one, for which he is not yet psychologically ready.

A reminder for parents: reconsider your behavior

1. Be confident in yourself. Don't doubt: you are the best for your baby!
2. Trust your feelings. Listen not only to the voice of reason, but also to the call of the heart, to your own intuition. Look inside yourself - you will understand how to act with the child.
3. Expand your circle of acquaintances. Communicating with new people, finding many friends, the baby overcomes indecision.
4. Always take the child's side. Do not ridicule his feelings. Do not question the baby's anxiety.
5. Praise without restrictions. This will increase the self-esteem of the little one.
6. Listen carefully. Put aside your business and devote at least a little time only to the baby.
7. Give love! Every parent should be able to do this. Some adults hide their feelings deep inside, are not generous with hugs, believing that this will spoil and pamper the offspring. Accept the child as he is, do not expect him to realize your ambitions.

Never laugh at children's fears, and, of course, do not scold, do not shame for them, otherwise they will settle in the baby's head for a long time and he will stop sharing with you. If you see fear in the child's eyes - find out the reason, discuss what worries him, take him by the hand and overcome the barrier together. Do not rush things. Give the baby time to cope with the mythical threat.