Self-esteem: 6 principles for creating adequate self-esteem

6 principles for creating a stable, adequate self-esteem

1. Compare yourself with yourself

It makes sense to measure your progress only relative to your past self. To adequately assess your capabilities, you need to proceed from your individual abilities and circumstances, using general standards as a guide, and not as a standard.

What is a trifle for someone, for you may be a big deal and require special efforts and courage. There are no two identical people with the same abilities, upbringing and other equal circumstances important for objective comparison.

2. Evaluate your actions based on your value system

Every person has one, the question is how much you are aware of it and whether everything in it is yours. It is useful to conduct an audit and make a list of things and principles that are important to you and correlate your choices and assessments with it. Understanding and protecting your values gives a person a basis for self-respect and supports self-esteem.

3. Use differentiated assessment

If you are bad at solving math problems, this does not mean that you are a bad student, just as a C in physics does not diminish your talent for writing competent essays. Learn to separate yourself from your work, creativity, relationships.

If someone does not like your drawing, this does not mean that they do not like you either. But for children this is exactly the case - they have a holistic self-esteem, so it is important to remember this when commenting on the child's next "masterpiece".

Differentiated assessment makes it possible to adequately low-estimate your capabilities in one area and maintain high self-esteem in areas where a person is successful. A holistic assessment focuses attention on one event and levels out other results.

4. Learn and acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses

You can accept your weaknesses as they are or develop them, or you can compensate for them by using your strengths.

• For example, instead of dragging yourself on hikes if you are afraid of spiders, come up with another option for active recreation where such stress factors will be excluded.
• Choose the activity that allows you to demonstrate your talents and strengths.

In this way, we create for ourselves a plateau of success that we can rely on and push off from when we assess our chances when starting a new business.

Nuance: this does not mean that if we are weak in something, then we need to avoid this activity.

This is about being honest with yourself: yes, I can’t do this or I do it poorly, and instead of scolding myself in in case of failure, I will think in advance how to increase my chances of success. Or I will immediately treat it as an experiment that may work out, or may not... But I have the strength to try and a fairly stable self-esteem to easily survive failure.

----

New catalog of sites - https://goodwap.pp.ua/ - without registration.

-----

5. Learn to forgive yourself and others, recognizing the right to make mistakes

Unfortunately, perfectionism gives reason for pride, but makes us ruthless in our assessments, can slow down our actions due to the fear of making a mistake and losing our "perfection".

You need to have great courage and adequate, stable self-esteem to communicate with perfectionists, who will always find a reason to ask: "Why did you get a 5 at school and not a 6?" As you might guess, perfectionists usually have low self-esteem - they always need a lot of things to feel worthy of approval.

6. Learn to support and approve of yourself

This is the most important and difficult point. Without it, all the previous ones will work crookedly. In the most general sense, this is about motivation, and you can motivate yourself through kicks and carrots. There are those who are better and faster involved in activity because of fear, and there are those who act out of love.

When a person is stimulated through fear, shame, reproach - the very fact of respect or self-respect is excluded. No one can shame us more strongly and painfully than ourselves. A kind of "choice without choice": either admit that you are bad or worthless, or do it against your will and mood, prove that you are good, that you are worthy of love!

The magic kick method has an advantage - it works quickly, does not require much imagination: it is easier to bark and get a result than to dance with a tambourine and persuasion.

Parents usually have little time and kicks are given out generously, so children grow up into adults who can masterfully kick themselves or find those who will kick them in the name of progress.

And this is also a choice - to act out of fear of losing, being bad, poor, lonely and unloved. And this leaves self-esteem unstable, and most often underestimated, since fear as a motivator signals a lack of confidence, respect and love for oneself.

Note: if your boss uses fear as a motivation, then most likely he has problems with self-esteem, confidence and respect for himself and others.

Motivation to act through interest and love is often called inspiration and is purely technically realized through encouragement, focusing on strengths and talents, on what you like to do and what you want to have. The starting point in this case is the person himself, his values and desires, what and how he gets pleasure from.

Then energy appears to achieve the desired goal, resources and drive are found, unlike actions out of fear, when strength is spent on avoiding danger and instead of the taste of victory in the end, you feel like a survivor in someone else's game.

Where to get the energy of love and inspiration to learn to move towards the goal without kicks and self-flagellation - in the next part! Let's talk about stroking, the importance of the oxytocin hormone for success in business, in relationships with the opposite sex and with yourself.

Read about what self-esteem is and how low self-esteem differs from adequate and high self-esteem in the first article Self-esteem and quality of life .