Childhood Aggression. Causes at an Early Age

Causes of Childhood Aggression

Most often, aggressive behavior is caused by relationships between peers in kindergarten, school, the yard, etc. The peak of aggression occurs between the ages of 12 and 17. This is the period of hormonal surge from puberty, when boys and girls are transformed into men and women. It is important for them to assert themselves in their environment, striving for leadership, and to receive praise and approval from significant people in their lives, including parents, but recognition among friends at this age still leads. Naturally, often not everything desired comes true. There are a huge number of reasons: personal complexes and fears, lack of finances, bad company, etc. As a result, dissatisfaction with oneself, what is happening and the whole Universe arises, which in adolescence is especially acute and manifests itself in the form of hysterics and aggression.

But it also happens that parents, mostly unconsciously, from an early age aggressively set up a child in relation to everything around and events. For example, a child is upset after coming home from kindergarten, because his friend did not share his new soldiers. Many parents will tell their child: “Don’t touch other people's toys! You have better and more beautiful ones - play with them, and don’t share with that boy either, since he is such a greedy person!” But not every father or mother will suggest that the child compromise, try to negotiate with a friend.

Care and attention

In those cases when a beloved child suddenly shows anger, many parents begin to think that it is their fault, because they do not pay enough attention to their child. This assumption is not without truth. However, psychologists clarify that there are two extremes in upbringing, and both have the same negative outcome.

• In a family of decent parents, the child always comes first, all relatives live only for his well-being. As a result, the son or daughter takes increased attention and satisfaction of any of his whims for granted. He craves the appropriate attitude from peers, teachers, educators, and, not receiving this, begins to express discontent, resentment, aggression.
• Otherwise, parents, on the contrary, do not pay due attention to their child: they are not interested in his affairs, do not go anywhere with him, do not attach much importance to his successes and failures. They spend almost the entire day at work, are very tired, busy with themselves, and so on, and often the busyness is far-fetched. In this case, aggression in childhood is an attempt to attract attention. The child cannot express his needs in a simple request, as a result he experiences resentment inside himself and, out of imaginary hopelessness, starts scandals.

How to communicate with an aggressive child?

To improve relations with your child, it is best to immediately make an appointment with a psychologist, because it is quite difficult to learn to independently control the aggression of a teenager, but it is quite possible to conduct conversations without mutual insults and raised voices.

1. Do not allow yourself to talk to your beloved child in a rude tone, yell at him or irritably raise your voice. Restrain yourself, speak confidently and calmly, but frankly. If something really upsets you, tell him: “I am starting to feel a surge of anger and I can say too much to you. I love you very much, so I do not want to allow this. Now I will step away, calm down a little, and then we can continue the conversation.” It is often difficult to show such restraint, but each new attempt will eventually give a positive result.
2. In addition to banal annoying questions about how your child ate and went to school, share your news with him, but it is better not to talk about everyday life. Try to talk about your attitude to the world around you, your experiences, chat about the lives of mutual friends in order to evoke a response in your son or daughter. Ask something specific, avoid abstract and unambiguous questions so that the child feels your sincere concern for his life.
3. Do not even think of comparing your child with anyone or discussing his mistakes in conversation with other people in his presence. Children, especially teenagers, constantly compare themselves with someone, strive to be like someone, want to be the best. Losing in such comparisons is very tragic for them. Parents can also get a negative reaction from a child who has learned that his problems are known to strangers.
4. When you are eager to teach your child wisdom, referring to life experience, try to do it as soon as possible, in an accessible and humorous manner. At a conscious age, no one will calmly listen to your moralizing. A good idea, the right way to resolve a situation should not be imposed, but rather casually “thrown in” so that the child believes that this is his conscious decision.
5. Try to strictly fulfill your promises, but do not punish the child for the mistakes made. Only in this case, although not immediately, will you be able to earn trust. Your child needs to be taught to understand that there is nothing wrong with failures and mistakes (it is impossible to change the past anyway), they should be talked about, and gradually learn not to commit them.
6. Try to support all the ways of self-expression of the child, if they do not harm health and others. Pink hair, informal clothes have a place to be, because such experiments are reversible.
7. If all these methods are still ineffective, the child continues to behave aggressively, then consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist is extremely necessary.

What the best psychologists say

Conflicts between parents and children mainly arise because people do not try to learn how to communicate with each other correctly. Now children and teenagers are told about the rules of sex education, but they should also be taught the ethics of family life. There is also an acute shortage of "Parental schools". Many modern parents do not understand how to communicate with their children at different ages, what their interests, priorities, etc. are. It is much easier to buy a laptop for a child to keep him busy than to set aside a couple of hours and spend it together on a walk or playing sports.

A similar problem of relationships is among married couples. Living together and spending time in many families is focused on base everyday needs of "eating/sleeping/watching a TV series/playing computer games". People practically do not communicate with each other, because they are absorbed by the virtual world and everyday life. This is where the chain of many problems begins for both an individual family and the whole society.

Learn to understand each other, and then there will be only positive things in your life!